Currently Reading Eat This Book: A Conversation in the Art of Spiritual Reading By Eugene H. Peterson see related

my bible taste like cheesecake...yours?

the bible says it's like honey to the lips...

i'm not crazy about honey, but i love me some cheesecake. no shame-

when i eat cheesecake...it's an event.  if there's a possibility of cheesecake in my day, it's pretty much all i can think about.  when i sit down to a big honkin piece of it...i don't even dig in right away--it warrants savoring. 

before cheesecake i'm thinkin:  this is gonna rock!
while cheesecaking i'm thinkin:  this IS rocking!
after cheesecake i'm thinkin:  that ROCKED!

and then...i start thinking about when i'll get cheesecake next.

call me crazy, but i think this is what that psalmist is getting at--obsession.  honey was the absolute sweetest thing around in his day.  so here's what i think he said:  "what God says to us, like especially in the bible, is the sweetest thing you can imagine!"

so for me it hits like this:  "dude, cameron...God's word is cheesecake."

my friend tyler thigpen thinks there are three types of bible readers--those who treat the bible like:

maalox-----only reading when something's wrong
wheat bran----because you're supposed to...nutritional purposes
chocolately goodness---because it's the sweetest thing they know

i'd say my most constant position right now is wheat bran guy on the nutrition side; i know it's good for me, but i don't like it.  but i've been venturing into cheesecake land lately and--it's delicious!

another really smart guy wrote a book called eat this book.  he says something like this:

you ever seen a small dog carrying a huge bone?  my dog's tiny, but when i give him a bone, he goes nuts!  he'll prance around the room proudly.  but after a minute or two, all that fades...and he'll go off into a quiet corner...and sink his teeth in.  and nothing will stop him!  i can call his name, throw toys his way--nothing distracts him from his bone!  because there's nothing else he'd rather be doing, and he won't stop until he's done.

we should eat God's word like that. 

i want reading the bible to be like cheesecake--like a dog with a bone.


God tells us to look and we'll find, taste...and we'll see.

"Son of man, eat this book that i am giving you. make a full meal of it!" so i ate it.  and it tasted so good--just like honey.  (ezekial 3:3)


bible verses used:  (psalm 119:103; deut 4:29; 1chron 28:1; psalm 34:8)

Currently Listening Passion: Everything Glorious By Passion Worship Band everything glorious see related

pulled over...

so the past half year i've been mulling over obedience...how important is it?  why should i be obedient?  who should i follow?  who shouldn't i?  what what rules are most important?  what rules can be broken?  bent?  ignored?

the two biggest problems i've had aren't huge things like drinking, having sex, or idolatry...

but i think we should treat obedience as we treat sin--all equal.

so my big problems:   illegal music and speeding

yet again, we're not talking 3,000 songs off kazaa or an average of 20 over while piling up ticket after ticket.

more like 4 or 5 cd's on my itunes that i just can't seem to release.  and the 5 mph i go over the speed limit i just can't seem to let go.  it seems so stupid to; who doesn't have illegal music these days?  who doesn't speed?  i mean, i'm saving money and giving a lot to the church, so it's actually better that i don't waste my money on music, right?  and i'm saving so much time by speeding, which lets me do more youth ministry, more school, love more people, so it's ok, right?

well, no.  there's a problem...

police.

music you can really get away with...you just have to deal with that pesky conscience reminding you that you're stealing.

speeding involves cops.  i used to drive 8-12 over, constantly searching for po-po's and feeling my heart race and sink anytime i spotted one (while of course dropping below the limit).  i was pushing the boundry as far as i could, but still freaking out anytime i saw a cop car (or any impala or grand marquis or crown vic).

so a few months ago i adopted the 5 over rule as a happy medium:  no cop would ever pull someone over for 5 over...they just don't care; other people do much worse.  so i could go by cops at 5 over without a worry.

well, it didn't work.  still everytime i would spot a cop my whole being would rise in alertness and fall as fast as my brake pedal.  but still, who drives the limit?  who doesn't watch for cops?

so i've been working really hard to obey this whole speed limit law, and have been on the verge of a "i'm actually going to obey this law" decision...until today.

driving down skyland toward 78 there's a stop sign at a three-way intersection.  i drive this road all the time to get to my girlfriend's house.  the speed limit is 30.  no one does it.  i used to do 40 and have people riding my bumper like a ferris wheel or something.  so when i implemented the 5 over rule, it was a big deal.  so even late at night, with no one around on a tuesday, i would drive 34-35 on that road.

so today, nothing new really.  dropped off britt's bike that i had just borrowed and i was heading down skyland to go be my youth minister self at the church.  except today i'm actually going like 31 or so (i told you i was on the verge of the decision).  so with no music on, no cell phone in hand, total focus, i pull up to that stop sign, stop, look left, see a cop parked over there, and without a worry in the world (i wasn't speeding, haha! obedience at its finest!) pulled away. 

and so did the cop.

and the lights turned on. 

and the car in front of it turned into a side road.

and the cop didn't.

so i turned onto a side road.

and so did the cop.

and i pulled over.

and so did the cop.

now realizing my error--the slightest incompletion of stoppage at the stop sign--my heart sinks knowing i've been owned by failure to obey. 

for all my efforts to obey the speed limit, always using my blinker, slowing down at yellow lights when applicable...i barely miss the complete stop and get nabbed.

if you've ever ridden with me, this is utterly ironic to you.  i get made fun of for my speed...by people with tickets as trophies of their disobedience...and the world is still spinning on its axis because they have their tickets...and i don't.

but i couldn't be mad.  she was right.  for my 95 erfect driving i've been pulling the past half-year, she got me for part point 05.

i thought about appealing it...going to the judge and saying "your honor, you must understand, I DON'T EVEN SPEED!  i drive that road all the time below 35 while people ride my bumper, and i barely don't stop at the sign and i get a ticket???  this is injustice your honor, to the core."  and he or she would shake my hand and commend me for my impecible driving record and i would leave without a hint of guilt.

but it's not true.  i deserve this ticket.  i didn't do what i should have; i disobeyed.

when i pulled away from that freaking cop (she was really nice actually), with that ticket staring up at me from the console, i started thinking about sin.

i started thinking about how incredibly dirty i am beneath this facade of holiness i walk around in.  i think i'm not that bad, maybe even good.  other people are far worse people than i.  heck, i only drive 5 over.

and as i drove, sin sunk in and did its dirty deed:  condemnation.  i realized my wretchedness.  the cop was watching that specific stop sign because the senior citizens that live on that street had asked her to...and i didn't care.  i'll be old one day, but i didn't care today.  and guilt rushed upon me...the ticket serving as a catalyst for a flood of shame.

then i went in a christian bookstore.  i could feel the devil's hot laughing breath on the back of my neck...his jeers whispering in my ears...his weight upon my head and heart.  i wanted to curl up in the corner and cry.  or bolt outta there before someone asked me what was wrong (i've also given up lying)...anything so long as no one knew how horrible i was.

i escaped the hell of the christian bookstore, and continued on my way to church to be a youth minister...wondering how i could be one with this lifestyle:  "hello mrs. robinson.  i dont' stop at stop signs in front of old people's homes. i'm wretched.  i'm going to teach little billy about God."

on my way i thought about why this happened.  i think God uses everything that happens for the good (because romans 8:28 says he does), so i tried to figure out what good God could do from this utter tragedy.

i immediately thought about perfection.

we are called to be perfect, blameless, without blemish.  we are called to love.  we are called to obey.

i was not striving for perfection in my driving...

i was going for as good as i could get away with.

then i thought about how i treat God like i treat cops...how we all end up treating him this way because the way he says to live is hard...how we speed when the cops aren't around, then radically change speeds when they're around...how i live when God seems to be hangin out somehwere besides my heart and my world, and then radically change my lifestyle when i see him all around me...

then i thought about how he's always all around me...all the time...

and he wants me to obey him...because he wants what's best for me...

God doesn't want me to have to contribute 95 bones to the snellville police department...he'd much rather me buy wireless internet for the new youth lounge...

but i blew that one...because i didn't obey.

so i know this all could seem very legalistic and extreme and totally not that big a deal to some people...but it's big to me, because it's what i'm dealing with.

and because Jesus told us if we love him we will obey his teachings...

and i think part of life is constantly pursuing utter perfection...

so i just deleted those 5 cds off my itunes.  and i don't plan on speeding again.

and now i know the napster/kazaa boogy man won't come and get me...

and now i won't have to scan the horizon for cops;  i'll consider them always there...and i won't mind a bit because i won't be in the wrong.

because there's something beautiful that comes from obedience---peace.

not peace like the absence of stress...

but peace like paul talks about--the fulfilling presence of God.

i feel a hint of that peace when i'm driving the speed limit (or even below).  that feeling of doing nothing wrong...not so much because of the absence of the stressful cop search, but moreso just knowing i'm doing what i should and that Jesus likes that for me.

there's a lot more wrong with me than what's just been fixed.  this is just the stain that rose to the top of the carpet.  now it's time to start running the race again until i find something else in need of grace. 

it won't take long...

but it will be good--God makes it that way.

Currently Listening Look to You By Hillsong United salvation is here see related

upon multiple attempts of a forced enjoyment i have determined i don't like myspace.

maybe later.  maybe when i have friends. 

that might be a while...

for now you xanga veterans (or internet old foggies if you will) will get an account of some craziness that went down spring break soon. 

and by soon i mean within...5 weeks.  (i try not to needlessly pressure myself)

you ever notice when you have a huge test, or a paper due, how incredibly appealing cleaning out the sink becomes? 

i've had this paper for my religion class (taught be the one and only dr. beth larocca hyphen pitts) that was due march 2.  i haven't started.  she's real chill and awesome and is letting people turn their papers in at the end of the year (the only two grades we have, thus is the way of upper level college courses).

so yesterday i was in geography class.  it's pretty interesting, but i don't really need to go to it...i can just study the day before and do fine.  so i go and do other work, eat food, whatever.  so i planned on brainstorming for my paper (finally!)  i get in there...there's a school paper on the ground.  i read it.  there's my buddy tyler next to me.  i talk to him about the paper.  there's a pack of crackers in my pocket.  i eat them.  the class has started and i find myself drawn to plate-techtonics and earthquakes like a famished lion the likes of mufasa to an omlete sandwhich the size of snoop dog's rims.

my point's that when i have something big to do, i don't want to do it.  i'm a procrasitnator.  things i normally find boring become riveting...i'll take any distraction available.  i'll seek out things to do, just so i'm busy enough to justify not working on whatever the task at hand should be.

this is the work of a punkface and his band of do-badders. 

"if being busy can keep you from God, you'll be busy all your life"

my roommate told me that.

makes sense to me.  too much.  so much so that when i hear it i realize i'm busy all the time...so i do something to distract me from thinking so i don't have to deal with the conviction of cheating God.

so i think about carpet and how whoever came up with it is pretty much amazing.

or something else far less worthy of my attention than God (which is pretty much anything not God).

so i thought about this song...and i'm doing better now.  it helped me sort out some truths, some beliefs i have, and put them into action.  it goes like this:

"you're calling me to lay aside
the worries of my day
to quiet down my busy mind
and find a hiding place

you are worthy"

i thought to myself, you know, i'm not all that important in this world;  i can't do much at all on my own.  why am i trying to do everything?  why am i tryinig to busy myself?  why don't i care about cheating the one who loves me more than anyone else just because i don't want to trust that he can help me get done what i need to get done so we can hang out more?

things are better now.

i found this thing the bible calls peace.  it comes with the fruit of the spirit.  i love it.  i find all those fruits like to work together.  in this case it's self-control leading to my finding peace.  i have the spirit, so i have the fruit...all of it.  at least i should.  i've been given everything needed to have it.

anyway, i should get back to the paper so i can get it done, learn whatever God wants me to know about religion, trust him with its undertaking, and rejoice in the massive peace that will come when it's done.

weord-

Currently Listening In Time: The Best of R.E.M. 1988-2003 By R.E.M. it's the end of the world as we know it see related

so i did it...

i can't believe i've sunk this low...

i don't know if i'll ever be able to look at myself the same way again...

i can't believe i've become so worldly...

i feel dirty...

i'm on myspace-

www.myspace.com/aguynamedcameron

i feel so...conformist...ewww...

where we go from here xanga...i don't know...all i can say is i'm sorry...

indonesia has a population of 241,974,000...

that's 4th in the world...

just behind america...

when was the last time you thought about indonesia?

have you ever realized how important we americans think we are?

we think we're more important than south america...

more important than africa...

heck, we're more important than africa and asia combined...

we think we're more important than the rest of the world...

we consider a dose of humility to be looking at the world in halves:  us, and the world...


we rarely realize we make up a mere 1/12 of this world's 6+ billion people...

the smaller we make our worlds, the lesser our concept of God...

i struggle with boxing God into this suburban atlanta package...and eventually growing less fond of the Creator of it...

if life's all about metro atlanta...mass produced neighborhoods...hour long commutes...3,000+ high schools hell-bent on sat scores...bumper stickers advertising children like politics to the rest of the commuters...acquiring material posessions because honestly the earth is too boring...getting a job you hate but are more devoted to than your family because it pays well...marrying someone because that's what you do...popping out kids cause that's what you do...never doing anything too out of the ordinary cause that's what you do...and thinking back in retrospect from your nursing home on how little you really lived and how few people really do...cause that's what you do...

than i'm more than a little pissed at God.

but praise God it's not.  we live in a world.  it's massive!  there are two countries out there with more people than us...that means there are TWICE as many people in those countries than in america.  yeah, that's seems simple...but think about that.  there are two countries BIGGER than america.  and indonesia...it's almost as big.

i tend to fall into what i believe to be a vast majority of americans fall into:  big state syndrome.  what i mean by that is, we as america, are texas.  we are so beyond a state.  we're huge, we're our own state.  state doesn't fully explain us...we're our own country with a country.  the rest of the states?  they're all deleware to us...who cares?

most americans see america as beyond a country...we're our own world within the world.  no one holds a candle to us.  the rest of the countries?  they're grenada (deleware) to us.

you can fit grenada into sanford stadium...

i think we think the rest of the world can fit in sanford stadium sometimes...

the earth is massive.  the usa, in comparison, is a small fraction.  georgia?  even smaller.  snellville?  miniscule.  you?  nothing.  a speck on a speck...only smaller.

and so often i consider myself the world...

and other times it revoles around me...

and still other times it weighs on my shoulders...

i'm glad life's about more than me--more than snellville.

i'm glad life's about God, and the world God made, and the love within...

what a world...